-----Original Message-----
From: MULHER DEVE FAZER SEXO COM QUEM QUISER—I E II
Sent: segunda-feira, 9 de agosto de 2004 17:12
To: contato@caiofabio.com
Subject: CONFESSO QUE TENHO PRECONCEITO (I ADMIT I’M PREJUDICED)

 

 

Dear Pastor Caio,

 

I read the letter “Women should have sex with whoever they please”.

 

I agree that both for men and for women, promiscuity dissolves the soul until it becomes “soup-like”.

 

I think the effects of promiscuity are stronger in the female psyche, maybe due to a matter of culture. I think it’s easier for men to forgive themselves and to be forgiven, although both are harmed.

 

I don’t think you were prejudiced although it may seem so at first sight. You know the female soul very well. Some women aren’t womanly, but that’s another issue. A womanly woman ends up feeling bad if she trivialized sex in the past. The womanly woman wants to belong to one man, and wants to be cared for by him as a dear jewel. But I feel sorry for the women who still haven’t found their true love, because they go from bed to bed looking for “him” although they don’t realize it.

 

When a woman like this eventually finds him, she wishes she’d never been in anyone else’s arms than his—her man’s. We should never blame a woman in this situation. In fact, love is everybody’s real quest. Sex is a pretext only. Therefore, this woman suffers a lot after she realizes she was just looking for love. A true love calms down any person, and she/he will be satisfied and ravished only with her/his love and pleasure. But I think women should watch out so as not to regret later.

 

Men want to go to bed with all women, but they really want to find she who is “his last”, as in one of Elvis’ songs: “You’re not my first love, but you’re my last.”

 

I think sex has been trivialized due to people’s sexual energy without a letout, emotional need, and lack of self-love and self-knowledge. I think a person only gets involved in this kind of thing because his/her soul is, to some extent, “pasty”, until it gets liquid, gaseous, and eventually evaporates... Until it turns into clouds and pours down as a flood of tears (even if covered up).

 

I also think that the media has played a key role for all of those who wandered off and are out of the Way, even those who call themselves Christians.

 

The media makes every behavior look beautiful, unprejudiced... Being unprejudiced is fashionable today. In a word: we should be permissive.

 

But we shouldn’t agree that anything goes. We should know how to discern things and always ask ourselves why we are doing this or that, and where that behavior is leading us.

 

You’d better seek God, undergo a therapy, take antidepressants, work out, read, study, etc, than go from bed to bed until you no longer find yourself anywhere.

 

Without love, everything becomes poor!

 

I used to be very unprejudiced (“soup-like/permissive”), but today I’m kind of old-fashioned, and I’m not ashamed of it.

 

I found myself, and I’m happier now.

 

Anyway, God alone knows a person’s deepest whys. The most adept human beings sometimes discern the more superficial whys. The unconscious is too deep for us to reach the bottom.

 

You get the feeling that everybody needs therapy to stop sabotaging their own lives!

 

Lord, heal us from our fragmented souls!

 

A hug to you, Pastor Caio!

 

Please write something about free will and the unconscious when you can.

 

May God light up your “virtual gate”.

___________________________________________

 

 

 

Dear friend in Him,

 

Grace and Peace!

 

Thanks for such a frank, straightforward and honest letter. I agree with you about why many women keep going from bed to bed until… God alone knows. And God knows I don’t judge anyone regarding this—and, honestly, regarding anything at all nowadays—because I understand the “thirst” that is in the soul of every human being, and I know women unconsciously end up using sex to make acquaintanceship easier in a society where men aren’t willing to talk before, but, at most, after.

 

The problem is that most men want it before and don’t want anything else after. So the women in deeper love need go from bed to bed, doing harm to themselves as they’re seeking love, as I have shown in hundreds of Letters on this website.

 

Regarding my answer to the Letter “Women Should Have Sex with Whoever They Please”, I wrote it because of a person’s response to another Letter, “I Love my Boyfriend, but I Have Sex with Other Men”.

 

Read the Letter:

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-----Original Message-----
From: AMO MEU NAMORADO, MAS TRANSO COM OUTROS (I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND, BUT I HAVE SEX WITH OTHER MEN)
To: revcaiofabio@terra.com.br
Subject: Me ajuda, please!!!! (Help me, please!)

 

 

Pastor Caio,

 

I don’t know how long it will be until you read this, but I really need your answer.

 

I’m 30 years old and I live with my boyfriend. I was born in a Christian home. I get along fine with the people in my church. My boyfriend is a Christian too.

 

I actually want to talk about a distress I’ve had for years. I’ve always liked sex a lot. I remember I was curious and impressed about it even as a child. I used to go out a lot with the boys and I had many affairs, but I managed to remain a virgin.

 

 

However, two years ago I started dating a guy, and today we live together. He is able and experienced. Our sex life is great. But in spite of that, I play around at times. And it’s just out of the desire to get laid. I really like sex. And that distresses me a lot.

 

Our relationship is wonderful. From the start he has helped me to be more mature, and he has learned from me as well. In bed, the desire is as strong; I mean, it’s increasingly better and more intimate.

 

But every now and then I catch myself in bed with other guys, just out of desire.

 

I love God. But, because of the sex life I lead, I often don’t think I deserve anything He has given me.

 

The problem is that I don’t tell my boyfriend-husband anything about it. To me, it’s a disorder that requires treatment. It’s a fleshly thing only, you see? I like it when men say I’m beautiful, etc. But I’m sure I love my boyfriend very much; I really want to keep up our relationship. But I don’t know if the sexual frequency he keeps today is due to some feeling of guilt because we aren’t legally married and we’re Christians, or if he will still behave likewise after we get married.

 

He is eager for sex some days, but I’m like that every blessed day. It’s as if I were the man in the relationship. I wonder if that’s the only reason why I cheat on him or if there’s something else. I don’t want to keep doing that to him because I love him a lot. I really do. He’s so good to me. I know we’ll be happy.

 

What should I do? Why do I do that? I can’t understand.

 

When I ask God for forgiveness it’s because of the cheating, not because I have sex with my boyfriend-husband—I don’t feel I’m sinning then. I only do when I have sex with other men. Can you understand me?

 

Kisses,

 

__________________________________________

 

 

 

Dear friend,

 

Grace and liberation!

 

You’re still young—only 30 years old. However, you have a sexual pulsion that can’t be attributed to the “repression years”, as that doesn’t seem to have been the case.

 

I assume that, on the contrary, you were encouraged, maybe because your beauty was often praised at home or you were the most beautiful girl in your church. Or because you are beautiful and may have become “addicted” to your own image reflected in the eyes of men as beautiful woman. Or, most likely, all these things together.

 

I won’t be surprised if you find out that your self-perception as a desirable-woman-girl was stimulated in your childhood.

 

The fact is that your sexual appetite isn’t normal. Girls and women desire to have a relationship, and when they give priority to sex, it’s usually to keep the relationship, or, at a more mature age, to try to start one. Anyway, their goal is always the bond. An overwhelming majority of women would agree with me.

 

The point is that you feel inebriated by the desirous eyes that are fixed on you; you picture yourself desired by men and you feel sexually excited by men’s desire for you. In fact, you have a desire for the desire, whether or not the subject of desire means something to you.

 

The Scripture sets a psychological health pattern for women in this fallen world by saying, “Your desire will be for your husband”. This saved us as a species, to the point that Paul calls it “the mother mission”. It’s nothing but the woman’s mission of giving birth to a man, and giving a man her pleasure, all of it, and to him only. This is the ideal of a woman’s soul.

 

The implications are simple but deep. Let’s look at them.

 

1. A woman who loves a man is unable to desire another man, because her own motherly instinct evokes faithfulness to the same partner. Therefore, even the “instincts” aren’t to blame for such random desires.

 

2. A woman who says she loves her man but has sex with other men doesn’t know yet what love is all about. In fact she loves the desire that someone in special has for her (in this case, your fiancé’s desire for you).

 

3. A woman who desires other men without thinking about some kind of future relationship ends up becoming gradually disaffective.

 

For these reasons I suggest that, first of all, you look into your heart openly and check if you really love your 'boyfriend-husband' or if you only love his love for you, which you can take for granted. This makes you confident enough to indulge in playing around at times and check how desirable you still are.

 

Such being the case, you’d better not get married.

 

Frankly, let things ride (some may say it’s bad advice)… Anyway, it’s better than to marry. In fact, breaking up with your boyfriend-husband and examining yourself would be the best things to do. Otherwise, he may end up suffering a lot because of you, and I don’t think you want it to happen to him.

 

As long as you feel like having sex with people who mean nothing for you (emotionally), I suggest you don’t have any dates. However, I insist that you’d better enter into therapy and try to find the source of that sexual desire that doesn’t call for a focus or a concrete search for a bond. This is very serious and may entail “harmful pleasures” to your soul and great pain to your flesh when the years come when you will say “I find no pleasure in them”.

 

Please read the entire website: All the texts, old and new, on all links, because, as I’ve witnessed, you’ll be taking a journey of great grace and understanding about yourself, and many things that trouble your heart today will quiet down.

 

Then the time will come for a new season in your life. For now, however, you’d better get your heart healed.

 

With affection and prayers,

 

In Him, in whom every thirst has a name,

 

 

Caio

 

___________________________________________

 

 

Now re-read the “response letter” and check if it has anything to do with what I said. In fact, this girl [the writer of the “response letter”] is in the “blender phase” and thinks that is healthy, asking for my approval of something that, to me, has nothing to do with Moral, but with Human Health.

 

See the “response letter” and my reply.

__________________________________________

 

-----Original Message-----
From: Adriana
Sent: segunda-feira, 2 de agosto de 2004 14:58
To: revcaiofabio@terra.com.br
Subject: MULHER DEVE FAZER SEXO COM QUEM QUISER (A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE SEX WITH WHOEVER SHE PLEASES)

 

 

Dear Reverend Caio Fabio,

 

I’m e-mailing you because, honestly, I find you intelligent and well-educated. I like to hear you preach.

 

However, visiting your website, I read your answer to a girl who lives with her boyfriend and likes to have sex with other men. I found your answer extremely prejudiced and marked by the commonplace.

 

Let me tell you, dear Reverend, that women do enjoy sex, and they’re not always looking for an affective bond when they have sex. They may only want to have an orgasm! I know a religious is supposed to say what you said to the girl-who-likes-sex-a-lot, but we need to take in account that men and women aren’t that different. Some women know very well how to separate sex from love and be good at both. I believe that’s the young woman’s instance, and nothing is wrong with it.

 

Sexual frequency is another point you’d better overhaul. People are different from one another, and so are their needs. Some women are satisfied if they have sex once a week; others, every day; others don’t even need it. And it’s all very normal. We can’t label people as abnormal because of their physiological differences.

 

I keep admiring your labor and your dedication to the Lord’s work.

 

Yours,

 

Adriana

 

_________________________________________

 

 

 

 

Dear Adriana,

 

Grace and Peace!

 

 

I can tell you didn’t get a thing. I’m anything but moralist. If you read this site, you should know that this isn’t the point. What I told the young woman is what I tell all men too.

 

Sex isn’t just good; it’s divinely good!

 

When you grow up you’ll tell the difference. I don’t know about it from hearing; I know it with all my being.

 

But if you think you can count on my backing for promiscuity, please mind you: You and everyone else who thinks like that have misunderstood me, and they did so on purpose, because I am clear, to-the-point and simple.

 

As for what I said about women, all the women in the world agree with me (with some exceptions like you, who like to have sex for sex’s sake—and an orgasm). And you know that.

 

What’s more: I say the very same thing about promiscuity to men too.

 

I think that in general people have sex too seldom. As I see it, everybody should have much more pleasure, because it’s good for the soul. But this has nothing to do with casual sex and promiscuity.

 

Sexual frequency is one thing, and each person should make the most of it with his/her partner. But having multiple partners is very different: It’s harmful to the soul because it takes away the chance to keep the focus and the ability to love. And let me tell you something: The woman who has one man, loves him, desires him, and takes delight in him, has more pleasure than the girl who goes to bed with all the men on the block.

 

However, dear friend, you’ll have to learn this in your own flesh. And before long you’ll admit I was right. Right now, though, your view is still very childlike due to a few orgasms you had, and you think that this is what remains.

 

One day you’ll learn that the true orgasm happens in the soul and in the spirit, not in the genitalia. And this only happens as bliss if there’s a bond of love, desire and trust—things don’t fit the libertine’s bed, where, at most, orgasmic spasms are experienced, but not the bliss of the real pleasure.

 

When you grow up you’ll learn the difference, and you’ll know that we should not be promiscuous because this takes away—among other things—the chance to live out the true pleasure to the full, because dissolution (lust) robs the soul of its solution, making it incapable of wanting authentic pleasure.

 

You’re starting to follow a path where, long ago, I was a “guide”. And I took this trip many times, not to mention that I’ve also seen the journey of thousands and thousands of people.

 

If you actually read this site, you’ll be ashamed of the foolishness you wrote. In fact, your e-mail wasn’t written by your mind, but by your conflict. That’s why it’s so full of hostile energy.

 

I believe in the Freedom we have in Christ (and I’m accused because I teach this healthy, conscious freedom), but I don’t believe in libertinism and promiscuity.

 

You’ll end up learning the difference, and I hope you won’t have to become paste-like or soup-like to get to learn the meaning of the good pleasures that don’t dissolve the soul.

 

When sorrow visits your heart and trouble, your flesh, write me again.

 

Count on my affection and prayers.

 

In Him, in whom Freedom doesn’t keep us in bondage to banality,

 

 

Caio

_________________________________________

 

 

 

 

Well, I can’t even say, as you did, that I’m prejudiced. A prejudiced person responds as if he were judging another’s character, placing himself in a position of disgust toward the subject of his rejection. Honestly—God knows, and so do everyone who is familiar with this website—that I’m anything but prejudiced, and my opinions are never based on Moral. They’re based on the Word and the Human Health, and on what I know, through the Word and from life, that is harmful to people’s psychological and spiritual structure.

 

I agree to everything you said, except for the part where you said you had become prejudiced.

 

No, don’t be!

 

The pole that is opposed to permissiveness isn’t prejudice; it’s the balance that makes you understand it to yourself and respect those who didn’t get it yet.

 

In fact, regarding relationships and friendships, I don’t have any problems about the way people live their lives. God knows I do have what to say, but I only say it if asked. And what I say never has anything to do with judgment, but only with knowing for sure what the consequences will be. And I express what I know with mercy and love, wanting the person to be well.

 

The problem is that some people think that since I’m generous to my neighbor as I want him to be generous to me, this means I agree to whatever is going on, or that generosity approves of whatever thing. But it’s not quite like that.

 

The readers of this site know how I deal with all issues, and they also know that I’m not prejudiced in any way. However, there’s no deceit here either. That which is is. And I never have any problems about saying it to myself—even if it’s against me—or to anyone else, even if he/she misunderstands me—although one must be biased beforehand to misunderstand any line I write in these letters.

 

Everyone should be fully assured in their own mind about everything, but they should never be prejudiced about anything!

 

In Him, in whom all prejudice is gone,

 

 

Caio

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