MY CONFESSION
Oh Lord, you have looked deep into my heart and you know all about me. You know when I sit down and with which intention I rise up.
You oversee my path and my lying down. You know all my ways very well; even those ways I cannot recognize nor do I want to!
Before I even think, you know my thoughts.
Before I even feel, you know my feelings!
The words proceeding from my mouth are the words you least listen to; because the words I don’t even speak to myself cry out louder into your ears!
I do not have this self-knowledge, but I am sure that you do. I am an absolute flagrant creature before your eyes!
I have no illusion of hiding from you. In the highest heavens, I am reminded of your glory. In the depths of the Earth, I see your Grace soothing my agony. In any distant land, I could always meet you and see your face. Your hand has led me even through death’s labyrinths.
Now I know that daylight and darkness are the same to you!
You know who I am!
The Lamb was sacrificed for me before any existence!
I was the one who you formed in my mother's womb.
I recognize the awesomeness of my existence and feel dreadfully sorry for not being more grateful than I am.
I see the wonders of your creation in me, and I know the ugliness that I myself have added to the beauty you created in me!
You have written my days, including this very moment, in your book. Of this, I have no doubt: they are part of the story you insist on telling through me.
I am sure that in the end I will be a wonderful poem to praise you.
Your thoughts frighten me, scare me, make me trust in you; require my commitment, a jump into the darkness, into a womblike place where one breathes through the umbilical cord of faith.
After all, I was born from my mother, but you carry me in the womb of your grace!
How I wish you would cease all evil in me. Depart from me, the grieved and resentful nature, unprepared to the surprises to come!
I do not hate those who hate you, O LORD, because I fear confusing what I do not like about them with what I do not like about myself.
Thus, I prefer to hate myself and to be merciful to those who hate you with less consciousness than I have of my own ways!
Search me, O God, and look deep into my heart! Because I myself, would not withstand completely searching myself!
Search within me for evil ways, beyond the ways I can see, and lead me in the way of life, grace and peace!
Here I am, Oh God, exactly where I started thirty years ago. And that’s why I repeat the same prayer I said then:
“If you are interested in sinners, so look deep into my heart, because I am the ideal man to be found, used and anointed. All that comes from me will be seen by everyone, fruit of your amazing grace.”
And this is where I am, my Lord!
I am in the only place where I am — in Your Son, my Lord!
Then, receive my confession of faith and being.
”Faithful is the Word and worthy of all acceptance: I believe that Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. “
Caio
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Original Title: “Minha Confissão”
Translation: Wanda de Melo
www.caiofabio.com/devocionais
Reviewed by Gui and Kathy Sazonov
