IS IT SINFUL TO LOVE A MARRIED MAN?
By Rev. Caio Fabio A year ago I fell in love with a married man. I tried to avoid it but I just couldn’t, this feeling kept growing. The worst part of it is that he loves me back. I am 27 and he is 30. Both him and his wife are evangelical. By the time of their marriage, he was a deacon and she was a leader at church. Their pastor suggested them to get married since they had known each other for a long while. Assuming that he would never really love anybody, he decided to marry her. He says he has never loved his wife and that she has never appealed to him. He has been praying for years to have this situation changed but nothing has changed at all. Then, he decided to leave church and to resign as deacon. I met him at this stage in his life. Between him and me there is pure real love without malicious intent. We can even be together and yet avoid physical contact. He cogitates leaving his wife in order to stay with me, but he is not confident. His Pastor says that God won’t approve it and that if we stay together, we’ll be unhappy, an awful tragedy might hit our lives and that he won’t be faithful to me in the future. Pastor Caio, I have learned that God is interested in the truth above all things, and that He forgives all sins when repentance is genuine. And when there is real love, there is no sin. I guess that this is not God’s will that two people stay together without love. The three of us are suffering. His wife knows about it. She knows he loves me and that he suffers for not being with me. But he is afraid, he feels insecure about separation due to the “curse” stuff. Is it right of him to live with her without loving her? Without desiring her? And in love with another woman? Some time ago, we ceased having physical contact but our love seems to grow even stronger. They don’t have children. What should we do? Wouldn’t we be blessed? Would God forgive us? What about her? She is aloof with him. _________________________________ Reply My dear friend: Peace and good! This site contains my opinion on case like yours. Please, read the hundreds of letters on this matter, so that I won’t have to repeat them over and over. In short: 1. Unhappiness is keeping a marriage without love, kids and sex appeal just because a pastor spoke like a sorcerer. This Pastor performed the wedding of two people who were not in love and now wants this marriage to last. He alleges that separation will bring unhappiness, curse and unfaithfulness. But I tell you that if he stays in this situation the pastor’s spells have already come true and become a reality through this sick relationship. Not to mention that the Pastor’s recommendation is the maintenance of unhappiness, curse and unfaithfulness. They are already unhappy, under the curse of guilt and sadness. And unfaithfulness, in this case, is his marriage’s own state. He is unfaithful to his own heart . And all this in order to keep the sorcerer’s power. 2. He is doomed to unfaithfulness if he goes on married to someone he doesn’t love, being himself a young man. The evidence of it is that he is in love with you. And why? Because he doesn’t have a wife in his heart, he has a wife in papers. Concerning this thing of “once unfaithful, forever unfaithful”, Gosh! It is clear stupidity. Everyone has already been unfaithful to something in life. Thus, how could we ever be faithful to whatever/whomever seeing that we have already been unfaithful? My dear, only one is faithful and trustworthy. Marital unfaithfulness is the natural path for those who are chronically unhappy for not loving the spouse but yet insist on staying just for fear or obedience to the pastor’s spell. If he does not leave this marital cemetery it will be impossible for him not to be unfaithful. Who can be faithful to a dead one who exists like a zombie and was never loved before? He is married to death. If he is not “unfaithful” to you, he will be unfaithful to someone else. He already lives in a state of unfaithfulness. He is unfaithful to his own heart. 3. Keeping a marriage where there is no love is unfaithfulness to one’s own soul. And this is no kidding. Your soul rebels against it. The consequences of this state is what we call curse to the soul. The question is: What to do? 1. He should get divorced with all possible dignity. Keeping a marriage like this is torture to him and very bad to her. The site contains something on this issue: “Is there a Christian way of getting divorced?”— section Letters. 2. The two of you should refrain from seeing each other until this situation is solved. It would be very bad to him if separation were “caused” by you. I know that you are not the cause of his separation. In fact, if he loved his wife you wouldn’t even had fallen in love with him – his heart would be closed to love. This energy of reciprocal love flows and people feel it. In fact, this is only happening because his heart is empty of love. However, to avoid complications to his life it would be good if he worked his situation out. Afterwards, both of you could come to an understanding. 3. My previous advise is based in one more thing: both of you will have to be really free to decide if you want to stay together. I understand that you say that you want to stay with him. He also says that he wants the same. However, he will only be sure of it after getting rid of his unhappy marriage, since he is not able to know how much he loves you, because he himself is needy, and ready to fall in love simply because he wants to breathe.... 4. If he wants to solve this by himself, away from the pastor’s spells, – which mean NOTHING, but are useful to scare the unadvised,— he must do this as a grownup person and not under the tutelage of a sorcerer priest. Involving these kind of pastors in this situation is a recipe to oppression and anguish. He must be a man and treat the issue by himself. If his wife wants to involve the pastor, let her do it her own behalf. He should stay away from this bewitching custody. Read the site and ask him to do the same. There are thousands of similar stories and experiences which may be useful to both of you. I can’t really tell if loving him is a sin. I understand that sin is what God credits. And nobody knows what God credits. Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him; Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. Nevertheless, where there is genuine peace, there is no sin. My affection and my prayers are with you. May you achieve wisdom and prudence. In Him, Caio --------- Mensagem Original -------- From: É PECADO AMAR UM HOMEM CASADO? Subject: ME AJUDE! Date: 27/09/04 10:26 English Version by Wanda de Melo