----- Original Message----- From: MARIDO DE MINHA AMIGA, PASTOR, ABUSOU DA FILHA DELA Sent: Tuesday, October 05, 2004 1:56 AM Grace and Peace !!!!! I need help. A friend of mine, married for two years, told me last week that her husband, who happens to be a pastor (not shepherding at the moment), abused her eight-year-old- daughter and told the girl not to say anything otherwise his marriage would end. She also told me that this is confidential. The three of them – my friend, her daughter and the “husband” are in therapy. The abuse took place in February but was disclosed only in July when the girl reported the felony to her grandparents. My friend is growing weaker each day and I don’t know what to do. How can I help? She wants to keep up her marriage but her family won’t agree to it. When the girl’s father gets to know this he will go nuts. And he has every right to go nuts. What should I tell her? She is almost breaking down and losing interest in attending church. She is the only evangelical in her family, that’s why I ask for your advice. I count on your guidance. Grace and Peace !!! _________________________________________________ Answer: My beloved friend: Grace and Peace! Unfortunately this pastor awfully screwed up. The thing here is not about forgiveness. Actually, your friend should forgive her husband even if he were her daughter’s murderer. To forgive but to keep a distance from him. To forgive but not to take him home. Furthermore, it means to never ever allow the individual to get near her daughter again. Yes, forgiven but far away from her little daughter forever. One can’t claim Christian virtues to justify staying married to a pastor who sexually abused her own daughter. It would be mindful of hers to call the juvenile court and press charges against him. But keep him away from her and from her daughter for good. In such a case, a thoughtful mother, would take the daughter to the psychologist and the perpetrator to a police station. The thief who was being crucified next to Jesus was forgiven by God. Nevertheless, he paid up his debt before men. Grace is what we meet in God but justice is what has to exist among men. This way, the individual may be forgiven but will have to respond as a man before men. This attempt of hers to save her marriage may produce an inconceivable evil to her daughter. How can this little girl have peace to live with her mother who sleeps with her abuser? How will she feel in relation to her mother, who despite knowing everything, made her option for such a marriage? If this girl becomes hostile, distrustful and bitter for the rest of her life, this mother will surely say: I am to blame for this. Such things drive me furious. Possibly, there will come a day when I will be so pacified that I won’t feel that way. I tell you: if I were told such a story in the presence of the dirty abuser I would positively beat him. Yes. Above all, I would beat him to death! Bastard! I frequently deal with perversions and disturbances in behavior, which are common things. But I just can’t help getting mad at a bastard who enters a little girls bedroom and abuses her. I get really angry at a mother who tries do minimize the evil and criminal implications of such an act practiced against her own daughter. Your friend should minimally break up with this guy and take care of her daughter. If I were the abused child’s father I would chop this “stepfather” into pieces. Sometimes in life it is necessary to forgive but it is also mandatory to prohibit the forgiven one to approach your city. Sorry for being frank, but that is all I have to say about it! In Him. To whom it is better to tie a large millstone around the neck of anyone who causes one of these little ones who trusts in Him to lose faith, and throw that person into the sea.